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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Deordorant Breath

I ran out of my favorite deordorant yesterday. Saying I have a favorite deordorant sounds funny to me. I'm particular about it. I like it to be clear, do it's job and not have an overpowering scent. I've been buying Secret in a lavendar scent. It's powerful as it prevents those nasty pit stains (don't go gettin all ladylike, we all have had them) and it's a nice scent that I only smell when I first apply it then I forget about it for the rest of the day.

Well this morning, I'm rummaging throughy my drawer to see if I have anything to get me by til I can get to Target tonight and low and behold I find one. And then I sigh heavily. It's Secret brand, but its a white solid and it's baby powder fresh. Why I would have even bought this I have no idea..unless maybe it was on clearance. Baby powder fresh is fine when you are 13, but not 37. Everytime I move, I get a whiff of baby butt coming from my pits. Not exactly the scent I was trying to promote today.

So, if you see me in Target tonight, sampling the deodorants? Just walk away.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 9:20 AM - 13 WTF!

 


Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Vintage 88

I can't EVEN believe I'm about to post these crazy pics.

When I was a senior, I was also going to beauty school. My girlfriend and I were going to go together and spend the day getting our pics done and feel a little like two hot models. We decided to have some girls we went to school with do our hair and make up for the day. Well, she got a veteran to do hers and I got jacked. I was so upset, that I told her I couldn't go with and I went home and cried instead. Instead of beauty school, I should have applied to soap opera school.

So I rescheduled my appointment and went with my mom instead. I was so proud (at the time) of these pics because they were the only professional ones I'd ever had taken and I actually paid for that shit myself.

Cringe away...



I think I'm flamable with all that Aquanet in my hair




You're jealous of my visible tan lines, aren't you?

posted by Autumn's Mom at 12:05 PM - 20 WTF!

 


Monday, August 27, 2007

GAWD it's bright outside

I think I have a good hang over. We had our company picnic yesterday catered by the best mexican food this side of mexico. I haven't eaten so much in awhile. I got home yesterday and watched some bad TV and sat on the couch doing my best Jabba The Hut impression. This morning I feel like I have big bags of bean dip under my eyes. Got chips?

Autumn's first week of school was good. She's doing extra credit already going for those A's. All her idea by the way, I don't push for A's. She pushes herself enough. And. She's been reading. Books. I KNOW! She's not much of a reader at all. She's more of a math kid. But last weekend, she picked up one of our Harry Potter books and she hasn't put it down yet.

I'd bore you with details of my date this weekend, but if I hear the story one more time I'm gonna hurl. Let's just day, dot doesn't want to date. PERIOD. K?

posted by Autumn's Mom at 9:07 AM - 15 WTF!

 


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

First Day of Junior High



It wasn't all High School Musical up in here, but today was the first day of school.




stop taking my picture woman

posted by Autumn's Mom at 12:10 PM - 10 WTF!

 


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I Like Being Interviewed, It Makes Me Feel Famous

Ally Bean sent me some interview questions...

1. What are you wearing to jury duty?

I'm thinking a pair of overalls rolled up to my knees, big straw hat and flip flops. haha Actually, where I live it's not so formal. I can get away with what I wear to work. Jean capris, nice top and I'll wear a nice pair of sandals. Which I found in my closet..still in the bag never worn.

2. You watch lots of movies. What is your favorite movie and what is
your least favorite movie?

Yea, I do. It's hard to pick a favorite. Jaws, American Beauty, Sense & Sensibility, Steel Magnolias to name a few. Least favorite? hmmm Pretty much anything with Jennifer Anniston in it.

3. Thinking ahead to this fall, pretend it's a lovely autumn day and
you can do whatever you want to do for the whole day. What are you
going to do?

I love the Autumn (obviously right?). I'd prolly call my SIL and we'd go shopping somewhere fun. Or maybe some dream boat would want to take me out for the day to the ocean for a nice long walk. or to SF for the day.

4. Do you speak and/or read any other language than English?

Funny, my father was fluent in Spanish, and I can't speak a single sentence. I barely can speak proper english sometimes.

5. Cake or pie?

Definitely CAKE. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting. OR Carrot Cake (w/ nuts) and cream cheese frosting. mmmmm

Here are the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:06 AM - 11 WTF!

 


Monday, August 20, 2007

Pants Off Dance Off

Autumn was invited to a birthday/dance party tonight. Does that seem a little odd to you? A party on a Monday night? Maybe they see it as the last hurrah before school begins Wednesday. The party is from 7 to 11. I didn't sleep a wink last night (for other reasons) so I know I won't be able to stay up til 11. Thankfully, my friend who's daughter who was also invited, will be driving and picking up. I'll be camping out on the couch tonight. I guess this is my future as the mother of a soon to be teen ager..sleepless nights on the couch!

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:40 AM - 8 WTF!

 


Friday, August 17, 2007

What Are You Thinking About This Fine Friday?

I'm thinking about friends mostly. Friends coming home from the hospital today. Friends coming home from vacation FINALLY this weekend. Friends I'm gonna smear the floor with playing movie games with tonight...haha Friends I like to go drinking with. Friends I like talking about life with. My cool bloggy friends. Friends I haven't even met yet.

BOYFRIENDS

That's what I'm thinking about.

YOU?

posted by Autumn's Mom at 9:39 AM - 10 WTF!

 


Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Internet Dating for Dummys

Yes, it's been two days in a row that I've chosen to use the word Dumb on my blog. Goes to show you what I'm working here with people.

Alright look, I'm here to give you men some tips about how to word (and NOT word your profiles). And ladies, if you can take anything away from this, you're welcome.

First, please use spell check. No one is going to click on your pic if you can't spell. If you have trouble spelling, by all means consult a dictionary or better yet, have a friend help you on this one. Illiteracy sucks.

Second, words not to use. I actually saw this on someone's profile. Fleshy. Boy was trying to say that he gets hit on by many skinny bitches but he prefers a chick with more meat on their bones. While I applaud his taste, we do not EVER want to be called fleshy. Superior alternatives would be Voluptious, Curvaceous, Buxom, or Shapely. We do not now nor do we ever want to see the term BBW. I was just telling my friend yesterday, if I see that term one more time I'm going to vomit.

Third, don't go coming on all strong about how you like camping and outdoorsy activities. Keep that shit under wraps. You want to reel us in with wining, dining and dancing. Then when we get to know you and like you a lot, then you can bust out the "c'mon baby, come sleep with me under the stars." If we like you enough, we'll consider it. Frankly, I think camping should be more of a boys only activity, but then who'd cook and clean. I can cook and clean just fine at home. Not real fond of doing it in the woods. (and I do still mean cleaning, dirty mind)

Fourth, pictures are a must. Post many pictures. We all don't care if your hair is receding or you're a little gray. We are looking for kind eyes, and a pretty smile. We are not looking for shirtless pics just yet. The 70's are over and everyone needs to put their fucking shirts back on. This means YOU buddy.

Fifth and probably most importantly, be real. Everyone writes that they are a nice guy, honest, genuine. Be real. You are men. We know who and what you are. If you are looking for love? Say it. If you are looking for sex? SAY IT. At least if I know where your little head is at, I know how to respond. Either I want to fall in love with you or just have sex. Put it out on the table. That's all I'm sayin.

I hope this little session has helped.

Or made you laugh.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 1:38 PM - 11 WTF!

 


Tuesday, August 14, 2007

To The Dumb Dumb Who Unplugged my Phone Cord From My Receiver

What are you, 10?

Your plan backfired, because I noticed before I picked up the next call.

Grow up. And keep your greazy paws off my phone.

Now where is the disinfectant?

posted by Autumn's Mom at 3:49 PM - 4 WTF!

 


Monday, August 13, 2007

My Girl Like To Party All The Time

Well not all the time, but this weekend I was in the mood for a party. Ok, I was in the mood to get a little sloshed, punch someone in the face and pass out at an IHOP but that wasn't in the cards. So I settled for going to my SIL's house, eating yummy carne asada, getting a little sloshed, playing silly shout your answers out DVD games with an intimate group of 4. It was way fun. Funner still, that I left my little shadow at home this weekend so that she could spend it with her friends and her dad. At one point Saturday I was home between shopping and partying and Autumn popped in and demanded that I take her and her friends to the mall. Uh nope, sorry. I'm outa here. She stomped away and later I saw her pointing to my car from the park as I sped away. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sunday, her dad took her to Marine World and they had a lovely time. I went with a friend to SF. The traffic was incredibly heavy so we decided to cut thru Oakland and see if we could get ahead of it. BIG MISTAKE. Thank goodness the only time you can probably get away with being lost in Oakland is at 11:30 on a Sunday morning. We didn't see any crack deals. Ended up following some crazy MO-FO who passed us on a city street as they were speeding towards the highway. We ended up back on the freeway ahead of traffic and in the FASTRAK lane. FREE PASS score.

We went to the Cliff House, which is just awesome. It was my very first time there. I was born and raised here and still have so much that I've never seen or been to. We had crab cakes and pot stickers and sat at the bar and just chatted. Then we walked down to the beach and stuck our toes in the frigid water. There was the cutest little pug playing fetch. He'd run into the ocean and fetch the stick and then bring it back and pretend he was going to bury it in the sand. Then he'd give it to his owner and do it again. At one point, the man started showing off and he grabbed the stick while it was still in the pug's mouth and he swung the little guy around and around. Too cute. The best part of the day was walking through the sand. The sand scrubbed my feet and now they are as smooth as a baby's butt.

We made it back our way in time to meet another friend for a movie. (I know, long day!!) We saw Stardust with Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert De Niro. It was really good! It was different, like a fairytake for grown-ups. Not for younguns under 13 definitely. Robert De Niro was so freakin funny. He plays this gruff on the outside pirate, who's really a floofy girly man when he's alone. Michelle Pfeiffer was evilly delicious. Does this woman every freakin age???

And now it's Monday. I'm tired and not wanting to work. I just keep thinking about that sand.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:11 AM - 11 WTF!

 


Friday, August 10, 2007

I Closed My Eyes and Blinked

And it finally turned into Friday. I was afraid I was losing my touch. With reality that is.

The pathetic sweaty gym sock that is my life continues. I'm trying to make fun plans this weekend to take my mind off of the fact that I'm going to be a single part time parent. Don't get me wrong, I love a break every now and again, but watching her go and soon meeting the new people in our lives makes me feel like somone stuck their hand into my chest and cut out half my heart.

I'm pissed because this was NEVER my intention for her. That I have no control over my emotions. And that I have no money to drink heavily tonight.

Bright side? I'm leaving work early and going to the chiropractor where his soft hands will work out all my tension. I will hang with people I adore and maybe they will ply me with liquor.

Don't cry for me Argentina, I know I'll be fine.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 10:02 AM - 4 WTF!

 


Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Crapful Wednesday

It's been a quiet day in the office. Which I don't like. I'm alone with my crazy thoughts (that I'll die penniless and alone) and they are driving me, well crazy.

So I YAHOO'd crazy thoughts because I can and here is what I found.

If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

Do penguins have knees?

Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?

Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?


Yes I'm certifiable. Please come visit. I'm sooo loooooooooney. I mean lonely.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 3:36 PM - 9 WTF!

 


Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Congratulate Me...

I filed for divorce today. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Unfortunately, it didn't take any weight off of my ass when it left. Oh well. I went down the court and found parking right across the street from the court house. How's that for luck? I came in with my paperwork and copies feeling confident I had everything I needed but terrified because I had no idea as to what to expect.

I breezed through metal detection, luckily I left my blade at home today. Then got lost and like a man..didn't want to ask for directions. I did find my way to family law and only had to wait in line for about 15 minutes. If that. I texted my SIL to pass the time. I get to the window and I'm to be helped by a munchkin from munchkin land. I know that is completely insensitive..fuckit. I'm vertically challenged myself so it was a trick to lean over so far and give her my papers. Which she gave back to me because they weren't stapled. So I staple my copy and their copy. Which was wrong so she proceeds to unstaple them and hand them to me individually so they are stapled appropriately. I guess you only need a GED to get this type of job right? At this point I'm feeling incredibly stupid and feeling the heat of 20 eyes on my back from the every growing line.

We seem to get it all worked out and I pay my fee. I try to ask her some questions, but she's going on lunch and can't by law answer anything anyways. Another lady relieves her and gives me a little bit of help but sends me to legal aid for my other questions. I've filed. BUT NOW WHAT???

Legal aid has only a short line..but a sign up that says they are not taking any more appointments today. (it's already almost noon by now) I really just have like 2 questions so I'm hoping that the lady at the desk can help me. There is one person talking to her loudly enough to go into her "domestic dispute" crap. Geez bitch, no one else cares. The lady in front of me has questions on how to fill out her forms, thankfully another aid comes out to assist us. I ask the aid if M has to respond to this or is it just easier for him not to. We completed the paperwork together. Basically, I serve him. He doesn't respond. After 30 days, I email legal aid and set up an appointment and we go in and divide and conquer. DONE.

Easy as pie.

I can't even relay to you how thankful I am that this is going so smoothly. I don't think I could handle any kind of a fight. Apparently we've fought it out over 13 years and now we can just shake hands and call it a draw.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 2:12 PM - 9 WTF!

 


Monday, August 06, 2007

Why Internet Dating Sucks Donkey Balls

As I was lying in bed Saturday night watching Weeds Season 2 (so fucking good) I got a text message. I was pretty sure it was the number of the first idiot I met thru the internet personals, but I'd deleted his phone number since I knew we weren't going to be talking any more.

"Hey Trica" It said. What a dumb fucking dumbfuck.

"Who is this?" I reply. Knowing full well it was him.

"It's Fuckface" He answered.

"Oh" Was all I could muster.

"Who is this??" He came back. Now I don't want to play anymore.

"I think you have the wrong #" Hoping to put it to rest.

Seriously, dude, get your bitches STRAIGHT. No wonder you live in your room and you have no one to play with but yourself.

Dumb Fucking Dumbfuck.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 9:39 AM - 7 WTF!

 


Friday, August 03, 2007

Will School Start Already!

It seems everyone elses kids are going back to school already and mine is stuck at home, scratching lines in the wall of her cell counting down the days. We still have two and a half weeks to go. She's going with Grandma this weekend to get her paper and pencils before the back to school supplies are replaced with giant fake Christmas trees. You know that section of Target..Christmas Trees, replaced by patio furniture, replaced by school supplies...the never ending circle of life.

Her summer has been spent in front of the TV watching the FUSE channel. Do you all get this one? It's a music channel that reminds me sort of the MTV of our day only it's not mainstream. They play mostly rock and alternative, which she is really into. Think Headbangers Ball 24/7.

The other day we were in the car and out of the blue she asked me if I liked the group Metallica. I said yea, I really like their black CD. To which she replied, "Yea me too, it's on my iPod."

Ahh, my little head banger. ROCK ON!

posted by Autumn's Mom at 9:30 AM - 6 WTF!

 


Thursday, August 02, 2007

PRAY

posted by Autumn's Mom at 9:14 AM - 4 WTF!