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Tuesday, October 17, 2006
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Sweatin Out the Toxins
I snuck out of the house today and walked without my crazy neighbor. I wasn't going to walk at all today. Tuesday is weigh in day, but since I've apparently hung up my weights for awhile, I knew I should get my big ass out there. M had just gotten home and told me the neighbors garage door was open. Damn. Oh well, I've got to get out there and I just don't feel like asking her if she wants to go. I told him I was going to brave it and go. I open the door and see her husband mowing the lawn. DAMN!! I heard a faint "good luck" as I slammed the door. I put my head phones is and turned Van Halen waaaaaaay up. I made it.
She's a nice gal, my crazy neighbor. She means well. But she's truly CRAZY. And she walks slow. I mean, I'm five feet tall on a good day, and I walk slow. So if I think she walks slow then she walks really really slow. She came to me about a month ago and said she was looking for walking partner. Really? Cuz I don't think I'd seen her leave the house in about six months. What do you say? I like to walk alone? Is that ok to say? I honestly figured we'd walk a few times, then she'd get sick and I wouldn't see her for another six months. I think she hibernates. Anyway, we walked some. I took it easy on her, tried to break her in. She kept up. I was surprised. She smokes and like I said, she literally won't leave her house for months at a time. In the five years that I've known her, she's never worked. She's gone back to school twice and both times she started having panic attacks or something and quit. She claims they weren't panic attacks but heart problems. She goes to this Russian CRAZY doctor who scanned her with his miracle machine and told her that she had a blockage in her heart and that he could heal her with some salve or something. Ok, I guess anything is possible, but I'm a skeptic and am just calling bullshit. I like calling bullshit, you should try it. It's fun.
Walking with her consists of me walking slowly, praying a car will side swipe her and her going on and on about Russian crazy doctors, her hippy dippy holistic books and how we need to sweat out the toxins in this new sauna she bought. I'm sorry, I could live here for twenty more years and still not know her well enough to sit in a fucking sauna with that loon.
I guess I'm lucky that the time change is coming. She won't walk in the dark. Or the cold. I'll be free til at least spring. By then my beard will have grown in and she won't recognize me.
**The above was intended solely for the purpose of making you laugh. I in no way intended to offend any Russian doctors who may or may not be crazy. I do not believe that if you enjoy reading about or participating in holistic healing that you are in fact a hippy dippy. (as I role my eyes at the back of your head) I do, however, stand my statement that I will not now or in the future sit in a sauna with any of you loons. That is where I draw the line.
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