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Monday, April 23, 2007
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Had a Bad Day
So, I have this friend. No really. She's a chick in the neighborhood that I've been hanging with for 6 years. She's loud and fun and most days she's someone I can confide in and she's there for me in a pinch. We've done weight watchers together and unlike me, she's reached her goal. Recently, she's been unhappy in her marriage and had started "talking" to someone else of the male persuasion. This person turned out to be another neighbor who's had the hots for her these past 6 years. He too is married. I told her I disapproved of it being that she hadn't made any discissions about her marriage and whether or not she was going to leave or what. But I didn't press the issue.
At this point in the story, I'm going to tell you that I'm a very naive kind of girl. Everyone else figures out things well before me and even when they are telling me how it is...it still takes a minute or two for me to catch on. I'm blond to the core people. Anyway, before this past weekend, I thought it was just a flirtatious friendship and that she was leaning on this person at a time when she needed it. Why she didn't lean on me some more, I couldn't figure out. Cuz I'm dum. So my friend and her "friend" were found out and all hell broke loose. It's turned into a great big ol he said/she said cage fight. With me still believing in my friend's innocence. I think I choose to see what I want in people and that's just how I get through life.
What I didn't see is that my friend was only going to leave her husband if there was another man around. I didn't see that it was going to turn into an obsession that comes between her family, her children and her friends. I enabled my friend to be with this person because I figured he was going to be in her life anyway so might as well tolerate him for her sake.
Everything blew up in my face this weekend. I went over to friend's house Friday night to kick it and have some brews. She said she was staying home because she had her neice and her step kids over for a sleep-over. She also has two little ones of her own from their marriage. She spent the night trash talking the husband while texting another girl and this male friend of hers. How do you feel when you are spending time with someone and they are texting all night?? yea, not real good. Turns out male friend is down at the local bar by himself. About 10:30 the kids are mostly asleep, the neice is sick and wants to go home. So we load her up in the car and take her home. And then she makes some excuse to drive down town. And pulls up to bar where her "friend" is. Ok, fine. We can hang. I'm a friend, I'll go along. We sit and laugh and drink a few. The whole time she's telling me she tired ok let's go. blah blah blah. We leave the bar and see her husband cruising around the corner. GREAT. Apparently when he goes out at night, he drives by her house to make sure he's at home. That creeps me out. We jump in her rig and head home. I go to bed that night and send her one last message, Did you get home safe? And didn't hear anything back.
9 AM I am awakened by a phone call from my friends mom who says she hasn't been home all night. Her dad has driven all around town looking for her and there is just no sign of her. I'm sure ALL OF YOU can figure out what happened, but seriously? I thought something bad. Really bad. We'd seen her husband, he knew she was out. I thought maybe..I don't even want to say it. Mom and I talk for a bit, then I start making some calls. I call, I leave messages and then decide I'm going to go over to Mom's. I drive by my friends former house and see her husband cleaning off the back deck for his birthday party and I feel so ashamed of thinking anything bad about him. He's just a poor schmuck who is now going through his second divorce. I get to mom's and we deduce that she's probably stayed out at her friends house (the other person who was texting her all night long). The thing is, if you want to stay out all night with your friends, do it. But don't do it on the weekend you have your kids. Her babies woke up that morning asking where there mommy was? How wrong is that?? This is a person, who always ALWAYS took care of not only her two kids but the two kids that were brought into the marriage. She's raised his kids as her own. It is just uncharacteristic for her to have done such a stupid thing. That's the part I can't get over.
We did find her as she was driving home and her mom gave her an earful. She's going down a dangerous path. and all I can think of is that I don't want to go down it with her. I'm not that girl. I wrestle with guilt that I just don't want any part of it. I want to go back to my house and just live my life. I felt used that night. I felt that I made a bad choice and enabled her to do what she did. I feel like my friend is Britney Spears and I don't know how to get her to put her panties back on again. I want to tell her I'm here for her if she needs a friend to talk, but I can't be with her when she's making dangerous choices.
What would you say to a friend in this situation?
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