Melancholy
I'm feeling melancholy. Isn't that a nice sounding word for something that makes you feel like crap? A couple of weeks ago, after a two year hiatus, I started up on taking the old birth control. I decided that I'd start getting the shot again (Depo Provera). I was in complete denial about how this nasty stuff makes me feel. (I should have listened to you Cherry) The big pull of Depo is not having a period anymore. It's something I yearn for. I hate being at the age where I'm too old for more kids, too young for menopause. So I've been on it for two weeks now and I feel like a completely different person. Like the happy person I had found inside myself has been smothered by an evil black hooded figure. It completely sucks. I feel like every stinky nerve ending I have is on the surface feeling everything. I have to constantly tell myself to calm down. I fly off the handle. I yelled at Autumn yesterday in that tone that makes her actually wince. Nice huh? Mother of the year. So, I'm thinking that I'm not going to be getting another shot.
Frankly, I don't want to take another hormone for the rest of my life. I know that's probably not possible. But for now, it's gonna have to be that way. I'm going home tonight to ask the loaded question to M, "Hey, have you noticed anything different about me lately??" hahahahaa And then I'm going to shoot him. Just kidding. What I would hope is that he'd agree to a vasectomy. I have a better chance at winning the lottery. Jerk. I am not, repeat, NOT going to have another surgery at Kaiser. My last experience was a little scary and it's not worth putting my life in their hands. If no birth control means my husband wants less sex..SO BE IT. It's all his choice.
In the mean time, if I sound different or you feel like I'm giving you the stink eye for no reason..SUCK IT UP NANCY! See? I can't keep that evil one down.
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