To The Dumb Dumb Who Unplugged my Phone Cord From ...
My Girl Like To Party All The Time
I Closed My Eyes and Blinked
Crapful Wednesday
Congratulate Me...
Why Internet Dating Sucks Donkey Balls
Will School Start Already!
PRAY
To Do's
Dilema
Title Images: Image Cafe
Image Hosting: Flickr
Design: Design in Reflection
Geeky Friend: Tommy's Daddy
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Wednesday, August 15, 2007
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Internet Dating for Dummys
Yes, it's been two days in a row that I've chosen to use the word Dumb on my blog. Goes to show you what I'm working here with people.
Alright look, I'm here to give you men some tips about how to word (and NOT word your profiles). And ladies, if you can take anything away from this, you're welcome.
First, please use spell check. No one is going to click on your pic if you can't spell. If you have trouble spelling, by all means consult a dictionary or better yet, have a friend help you on this one. Illiteracy sucks.
Second, words not to use. I actually saw this on someone's profile. Fleshy. Boy was trying to say that he gets hit on by many skinny bitches but he prefers a chick with more meat on their bones. While I applaud his taste, we do not EVER want to be called fleshy. Superior alternatives would be Voluptious, Curvaceous, Buxom, or Shapely. We do not now nor do we ever want to see the term BBW. I was just telling my friend yesterday, if I see that term one more time I'm going to vomit.
Third, don't go coming on all strong about how you like camping and outdoorsy activities. Keep that shit under wraps. You want to reel us in with wining, dining and dancing. Then when we get to know you and like you a lot, then you can bust out the "c'mon baby, come sleep with me under the stars." If we like you enough, we'll consider it. Frankly, I think camping should be more of a boys only activity, but then who'd cook and clean. I can cook and clean just fine at home. Not real fond of doing it in the woods. (and I do still mean cleaning, dirty mind)
Fourth, pictures are a must. Post many pictures. We all don't care if your hair is receding or you're a little gray. We are looking for kind eyes, and a pretty smile. We are not looking for shirtless pics just yet. The 70's are over and everyone needs to put their fucking shirts back on. This means YOU buddy.
Fifth and probably most importantly, be real. Everyone writes that they are a nice guy, honest, genuine. Be real. You are men. We know who and what you are. If you are looking for love? Say it. If you are looking for sex? SAY IT. At least if I know where your little head is at, I know how to respond. Either I want to fall in love with you or just have sex. Put it out on the table. That's all I'm sayin.
I hope this little session has helped.
Or made you laugh.
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