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Friday, December 29, 2006

Ok, Maybe I Exaggerated About His Fingers

But you have to admit that it's a weird coincidence that when he touches the thermostat is ceases doing it's job. Tonight, M came home and I told him the heater still wasn't working and that I'd called the furnASS people. You'd think I'd have told him I sold all his shit or something. What is it about a man and his castle. That castle could be falling apart at the seams, but they'd be damned before they let someone handy come in and fix that shit.



He climbed up into the attic and after about an hour discovered that wasps has made their way into the furnASS and well, died. One found it's way into the part that ignites and it was blocking the flow of gas. He cleaned it out and out came the heat! Huraaaaay! I had to apologize for not trusting him and then told him no, I didn't cook anything for dinner. Sorry. Hey, I helped. I stood at the thermostat and turned it on and off. I think I sprained a finger here.

Life is warm again.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:26 AM - 6 WTF!

 


Thursday, December 28, 2006

Who Turned Off the Heat

I went to dinner last night with the lovely Danna last night. We had a very leisurely evening at the Old Spaghetti Factory. A little too leisurely, when I got home my husband had decided it was too hot in the house and turned down the thermostat. The last time this happened, his big ol fingers did something that prevented the stupid thing from coming back on at all. Guess what? It happened again.

Let me ask you, is 68 degrees too hot to you? In winter? I don't think so. All I ask is that he NOT touch the thermostat EVER. Is that so wrong? If he's hot, just switch it to off. Don't let those chubby nubs hit any buttons because it may take til next winter for me to figure out how to make it work again. Last night, we had no heat at all and it was a chilly 60 this morning. I'm sorry, I'm a California girl and that is just too fucking cold. I woke up feeling so angry about it. Like I can't let it go. I know if it doesn't work tonight, I can just call someone to help me rip the damn thing from the wall and shoot it with my beebee gun. Let's face it. I'm spoiled. I'm blessed with central heating, it's a luxury. Is it really worth getting so pissed off that I consider rubbing cat vomit on my husband's pillow in some twisted revenge plot? No. I say this because I actually slid in some this morning, so i'm cold and covered in cat vomit. Isn't that wonderful? Aren't you so glad you are reading this? If I say the word placenta, J is going to click the X right now. Don't worry J, I'm not.

It's now 9:20 and I'm feeling the anger melt as the heat from my office warms me. It's not the end of the world. People are dying, people are starving, I just don't have a little heat. Get OVER IT already.

Ok, I did.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 9:14 AM - 6 WTF!

 


Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Adventures on I-5

After a fun filled 4 days in the OC, it was time to head home. We got up slowly and checked out about 9:30 and went across the street to get a crappy breakfast. Earlier in the week, we'd visited this Denny's like joint for our free continental breakfast. I'm just not a fan of continental breakfast. This is AMERICA, I like REAL breakfast. Something that will satisfy til lunch, you know? Anyway, the first morning we dined at this establishment I was thinking that I needed to get some cash before we headed into the park. I noticed they had an ATM machine and tried to withdraw $200. I got a receipt and no money. The receipt said declined and $0 received. Ok. Whatever. I'll find another ATM. Frankly, I should have been smart and just checked at the hotel for an ATM machine. I think they would have a more reliable machine, it's a reflection on their establishment. No, I was dumb and used the old QUEST machine at the fake Denny's. I decided I'd better call my bank to make sure the money wasn't withdrawn from my account. Yes, of course it was taken from my account. This wouldn't be of any significance to write about if they didn't take my effing money right? I guess I should thank them for making my blog interesting. Thanks you greedy mutherf%@##$! DO NOT EVER USE A QUEST ATM MACHINE. I'm still dealing with them and my bank to get my GD $200 back.

Ok, back to the ride home. I made a quick call to Gina to see if we could meet for some coffee, but she was up to her elbows in rodents. ACK We had a quick conversation, said goodbye and then got on the road back up north. I had about 1/2 a tank of gas and thought I could make it through the Grapevine before I had to make a pit stop. Ok, it is never, I say NEVER a good idea to try to get the through the Grapevine without a full tank of gas because you just never know what to expect. Especially if you are driving in a gas hog of a Kia. There was a little bit of traffic in LA, but still we moved smoothly. It was sunny and about 5 degrees. As we descended into the Tejon Pass, it was cloudy and cold. The temperature had dropped about 10 degrees and kept going. The further we got, the more foggy it became and we watched the temp drop down to 35 degrees. buuuurrrrr All the while I'm watching the gas tank. We drove slowly and safely through. We did see one really bad crash where someone had gone off the road, lucky for them it wasn't a big drop at that point. There were about 10 cars pulled over to off help before the police arrived.

Still watching the gauge, I'm delighted to see the first exit with fuel and food. We pull into a gas station, it's dark but I think it's because it's so gray. I get out to get some gas and notice there are no read outs on the pump. I look around and I see people, but no one is pumping gas. Pretty much there are a bunch of idiots like me standing around scratching their butts trying to assess the situation. I continue to stare at the pump as if willing it to come alive and say, "Dot, welcome, put your card in." I finally notice a sign on the door of the gas station. NO POWER. Great, ok, I'll pull across the road, there are more stations over there. Everyone it seems at this junction is having a power outage. We cross our fingers and hope the next station is up and running. The next station is close and we pull off. As we come to the stop sign, I notice a fire truck parked to the gas station and there is yellow caution tape blocking off the entrance of the Chevron. This is not a good sign. As we drive past, I roll my window down thinking maybe I can ask someone what the hell is going on. That's when I notice the smell. There was some sort of leak going on, I decide to just leave.

Now I have less than a quarter of a tank and no idea how long til the next exit. At this point, my heart is racing and I'm thanking 8lb 6 oz baby Jesus in his little ghost manger that I have AAA. (ok, who gets that reference???) I check each exit name so that in case I have to call I can tell them, "I'm the middle of hell, exit Road 269." A sign up ahead says Mobile Station 18 miles. I turn off the air conditioner (for the defroster), set cruise control for optimum speed control and tell myself I have 18 miles left in my tank. And that they have power.

They did. Sorry, I'm not a very good story ender. Or teller. But that was our adventure. By the time we got home, my neck and shoulders were so tight. Probably from those herky jerky rides and my tense hour trying to buy some overpriced gas! Going to my chiropractor tomorrow and once a week for the next month! dadgummit I'd do it all over again though. With a full tank of gas.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:42 PM - 7 WTF!

Back To The Grind

I'm back at work today. I have stuff to write about our adventure home but am so swamped, it will have to wait until tonight.

In the mean time, I'll let you guess which one is me.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 12:27 PM - 3 WTF!

 


Saturday, December 23, 2006

We're Back


Did you miss us??

Have a very merry Christmas everyone.

PEACE

posted by Autumn's Mom at 10:14 PM - 9 WTF!

 


Sunday, December 17, 2006

Packing

I hate packing. I'm still doing laundry. I'm still finding shit I need to take and the suite case is already in the back of the car. Why do I need to bring freakin everything??? We are going to visit a mouse who's worn the same outfit for 55 years. I'm sure he won't mind if I wear the same sweatshirt a couple of times. He's probably hoping I'll buy one of his sweatshirts, that greedy so in so. haha

We got our tickets, camera, snacks for the road, several pairs of sneakers. Seriously, where did all these sneakers come from??? Anyway, water, directions, claritin, advil.. Yep, we're all set. I should have gotten some margaritas tonight. So I could ensure a good nights sleep. I still get excited the night before vacation (even though I will be at work til noon tomorrow) or the night before Christmas. It's like that sleepless night before the first day of school. Do you still get that giddy feeling?

Did you all watch Saturday Night Live last night? Thank goodness for TiVo. Go here and watch the digital short called A Special Christmas Box. It's just what every girl wants for Christmas. NOT haha well maybe...

Have a great week y'all. I will miss you terribly.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 7:19 PM - 4 WTF!

 


Friday, December 15, 2006

CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS



Sorry, how boring I know. BUT WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!! I'll be around til Monday. Maybe before then I will be able to string together a thought provoking post.

Eh, who am I kiddin.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 1:14 PM - 5 WTF!

 


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

What Are You Lookin At?

100_0550

Seriously, dude. What are you lookin at. Can't you see I'm trying to eat here. It's rude to stare. munch munch munch Look pal, I don't like the way you are lookin at me. What is with that blank stare? Is your head full of fluff or what? I have half an hour left and I'm trying to finish The View. Look somewhere else. How about you wrap that scarf around your eyes. Grab it. Oh, I see you have no fingers. You are pretty much fucking useless, aren't you?

munch munch munch

Alright, that's it. Are we gonna have to take this outside? Cuz it's cold and wet out there and I don't think you'll last the night. You want that? Huh, punk? If you don't stop staring at me, I'm gonna through across the room. You know what happens then right? Minnie. Yep, I said it. You'll become a crazed Chihuahua's love slave. She'll toss you around a few times maybe give you a kiss or two, but then she's gonna look for the squeaker. I can tell from your blank look, that you do not have a squeaker. This, my friend, will be your down fall. She will tear you limb from limb looking for it and then when she's searched you inside out, she will leave you for dead in the hallway. In pieces. I know, it's tragic. I think you have two choices. Keep pointing those cold black eyes at me and know the hell that is Minnie. OR you can Stop. Staring. At Me.

R.I.P Little Snow Beanie.

12/2000 - 12/2006

posted by Autumn's Mom at 12:34 PM - 5 WTF!

 


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

So Gina Won't Electrify Herself



I found this at Bed Bath & Beyond last night and had to get it for Gina. I'll bring it down next week :D

posted by Autumn's Mom at 10:28 PM - 6 WTF!

Two-fer Tuesday



Is it me? Or is Sharon Stone melting??? She looks like she's channeling Faye Dunnaway in Mommie Dearest. A MUST SEE for the holidays. haha

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:48 AM - 5 WTF!

Dirty Jobs

Do you ever watch Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel? It's pretty interesting, and yes it's dirty! I hope they pay their host a lot, because I wouldn't stick my hand (even covered in plastic) into a cow's rectum for less the 6 figures. This weekend we watched one called Avian Vomitologist. Catchy title huh? It is someone's job to pick up owl pellets, which is the part of their prey they cannot digest like fur and bones. The vomitologist takes the pellets, sprays them with water and corn starch so that they harden, then wraps them up and sends them to your kids schools so they can learn about what an owl ate and couldn't digest. Doesn't that sound like fun??

Second part of the show had the host, we'll call him Mike, on a farm palpatating cows. This is the part where he placed his arm inside cow rectums to confirm pregnancy and if the cows were pregant he learned how to guesstimate how far along they were. Very. Dirty. In so many ways.

Here is a list of Dirty Jobs, I do not wish to ever have:

Roadkill Collector
Pigeon Poop Cleaner Upper
Golf Ball Diver
Bat Poop Collecter Ok, lets just say I'm not workin in POOP!
Sausage Maker
Skull Cleaner
Hoof Cleaner (May involve being pooped on if you're not careful)
Garbage Pit Technician
Bee Man/Woman

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:13 AM - 5 WTF!

 


Monday, December 11, 2006

Baby It's Cold Outside

So cold I almost wore a jacket. WHEW! The temp is about 50 degrees outside and it's foggy with a slight breeze. I was in a hurry this morning so I didn't even throw on my scarf. That is what I leave the house in. A scarf. No jacket. I love California. I don't think I have skin tough enough to live in the snow. When my husband has brough up moving to another state where the winters are a little frozen, I tell him I will only be able to work in the spring and summer months, cuz Dot don't drive in the snow. He likes his little Mama to bring home the bacon, so in California we shall stay.

I heard on the news that last year saw the most Californians move out of the state. Where do they go, I wonder? Do they move back to where ever they came from? Home to family? Somewhere they've never been to start a new life? I've often wondered what that would be like. We considered North Carolina for about ten minutes. Then we had the worst hurricane season EVER, so you know, that didn't sound appealing anymore. I wonder if I'm ever going to experience living somewhere else. And would I like it? Would I miss it here? Yea, I would. I would miss the ocean. I would miss the low cloud cover, sometimes the clouds are so close you can almost touch them. I definately don't want to live somewhere that would require me to wear a jacket. They make me feel to bulky and hot and sweaty. And I don't like chapped skin. I get really chapped in the winter here and it's not even that cold. I guess I've answered my own question, haven't I?

posted by Autumn's Mom at 10:03 AM - 6 WTF!

 


Thursday, December 07, 2006

It Smells Like Christmas Up In This Bitch!

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Believe it or not, this is my first ever live wreath. The bow is a little crooked, but so is my life. I like it!

posted by Autumn's Mom at 7:14 PM - 5 WTF!

Do You Effervescent??

I'm getting real paranoid about getting sick before my trip down to Disneyland. I don't usualy care so much about getting sick, because hey, it's a few days off from work. I really want to enjoy myself on vacation, of course. Last night I bought some Airborne. I've heard a lot of talk, but apparently I missed the part where they said this stuff was an effervescent that you drink. GACK! It's a two toned kind of a drink with the first taste being a little orangey. Like really watered down orange juice followed by that nasty alka seltzer like crap. Yea, it's totally like CRAP. I'm trying to choke it down. Each swallow is followed by a shot of Sprite Zero. I'm not real good with selzter. It gets into the back of my throat and I feel like I want to hurl.

I'm drinking it though. For Mickey. I don't want to be all boogary and have to use his nice coat for a tissue. You know, when you get that big hug and you just rub your runny nose a little on someone's shoulder? You know you've done it. Please. I've got my hand sanitizer, disinfectant wipes and some ASSBORNE. I'm ready to fight baby!

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:47 AM - 6 WTF!

 


Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Garfield

posted by Autumn's Mom at 9:19 AM - 2 WTF!

 


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Light Show

I bought Autumn a Glade Plug In Scented Oil Light Show air freshener this weekend. She picked out berry burst and let me tell you, it's burstin with fruity flavoring. I walked back to her room last night and had the sudden urge to go to Jamba Juice. I don't mind the urge to Jamba, her room usually has an odor that urges me to dry heave.

The light show is a little creepy. She has hers close to the wall below a picture of some boy from TV. His face lights up blue, green, yellow and SATANIC RED. You are falling asleeeep, falling, falling, OHMYGOD it's SATAN. haha Ok, I'm exaggerating. I just don't like the red.

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:52 AM - 5 WTF!

 


Monday, December 04, 2006

Monday Monday

I had a pretty full weekend. Friday I went to see my favorite chiropractor. He's moved his office to the place where I worked for about 10 years in the WC. I don't think I'm ever going to get away from that building. It's a little freakish. After I drove to see Tommy's Mommy and get a little snugglin with the boy. He's gotten so big. He's going to be a great big 2 on Friday. Happy Early Birthday T!! I brought Toy Story for us to watch, he'd never seen it before and seemed to enjoy it. We also played with his favorite blue truck, a present from me. haha He drove it and crashed it all around the kitchen while I snapped a couple of shots. The pics are dark, they were taken with my phone.

Tommy 2

I let him crash into me so I could take a close up...

Tommy 1

He is utterly smooshable!

Saturday, Autumn and I did some Christmas shopping and wasted time in the morning. Then we drove out to visit another friend we hadn't seen in awhile. She's a very busy mom with three kids and we don't get to see them as often as we like. We had fun catching up and chatting til after one. I drank enough coke to get home and stare at the ceiling til 2 AM.

Got up early on Sunday to take back some Christmas presents and buy more Christmas presents....see this is how people get the bah hum bug. Finally had that latte and came home and rested. My house is now ready for that tree. Any time, anytime someone wants to come over and do it for me. haha I was so ready to do it a month ago and now...not so much. Maybe I can convince the hubs to go buy us a live one and just git er dun!



posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:20 AM - 4 WTF!

 


Friday, December 01, 2006

TGIF

I need to get work done, get a back crack, get a latte, get a grip and get over here for a snuggle!

posted by Autumn's Mom at 8:57 AM - 4 WTF!